A zero-sum game is when there’s a situation in which one party gains the same amount that another party loses. If Fred bets Bob ten bucks he can eat fifty hot dogs in an hour, by the end of the bet one will be ten bucks richer while the other ten bucks poorer; it’s a zero-sum game. Also Bob may or may not wish he still had ten bucks to buy antacid pills.
If an arrangement is more one of “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” in which both parties benefit in varying degrees it’s called reciprocity; as in if Fred tells Bob that today’s hot dog lunch is on him since he – Bob – paid last time. Because of their mutual trust, respect and friendship, Fred and Bob happily support each other in this arrangement without timetable or expectation.
But if Fred puts his foot down and says to the ever-ravenous Bob, “You only bought me one hot dog last week so I will only buy you one this week”, the dynamic changes. And while there’s nothing wrong with this approach, it’s more about keeping score and doesn’t open up Fred (or anyone) to being a willing receiver of all that the good stuff the Universe has to offer.
Napoleon Hill said that the best and quickest way to succeed in life is by helping others to succeed first, so we should help whenever and wherever we can. But here’s the thing: Not expecting immediate or equal payback (score-keeping) opens us up to universal reciprocity. This means we’ll still get the return favor, just not necessarily from that person or in the same version we put out there. Most importantly, return favors seem to show up when we need them the most. Yep, the universe works in mysterious ways!
As woo-woo as it all sounds (and it does) it’s 100% true; and as leaders it’s a critical concept to understand. Don’t ask me how this stuff works, I just know it does, but only for those who operate outside the realms of zero-sum games and scorekeeping.
For instance, one time a friend asked me to give her colleague (whom I’d never met) some professional advice. Little did I know by doing so, I’d get help from the universe to achieve a goal that had had eluded me for years. But first, a little background:
TEDx is an offshoot of TED Talks, a global nonprofit devoted to spreading actionable ideas through powerful talks in 18 minutes or less. The interview process to speak on a TEDx stage lasts several months long, but if they accept you, it’s well worth the time, effort and sacrifice for the potential rewards.
Speaking on a TEDx stage implies credibility on the topic being covered and gives instant recognition for the speaker and exposes their talk to a worldwide audience via the Internet, which is HUGE. No wonder giving a TEDx talk ranked as one of my loftiest goals ever!
However since going the traditional route of applying to the local chapter got me nowhere, it wasn’t easy. After submitting twice I’d not even gotten a courtesy “Thanks but no thanks” email for my efforts, something that left me feeling rejected and demoralized. Realizing this goal would be harder to achieve than I thought, I quietly slipped it to the back burner and moved onto other things.
Six months later, the universe stepped in when my friend asked me to chat with her colleague about the business of professional speaking. My intention was to do a favour for my friend with nothing expected in return. Being in a different city meant that a face-to-face meeting was out of the question, so we set up a time to Skype a week later.
I prefaced our conversation with a rundown of my speaking background, including the talks I’d given and my two failed TEDx attempts. For the next forty minutes he peppered me with questions, which I replied to and offered advice. I even recommended a few books I thought he might find useful. When our time was up I said, “Call anytime, I’m here to help”, and I’ll never forget what he said next…
He said, “I know someone who runs a TEDx event in Vancouver… Would you like me to put your name forward for an audition?”
Insert jaw drop here! (I said yes!) Thank you, universe!
Long story short, the organizer of TEDx Stanley Park contacted me; and after auditioning I won a coveted spot for an upcoming event. Then after seven long months of rehearsing and retooling my speech, plus several back-and-forth trips to Vancouver I took the stage and presented my talk titled “Discipline or Regret: A Father’s Choice” to a crowd of 450. I even received a standing ovation. Wow!
What makes this story incredible is that the opportunity only came because I first offered to help a friend with no expectation of reciprocity from them. Once the ball was rolling the universe stepped in and connected me to people who helped me make one of my own dreams come true. Like I said; it’s woo-woo, but it works!
Leadership knows the best way to become successful is help others be successful and without expected reciprocity, score keeping or zero-sum games. Leave that stuff to others and trust the universe, or karma or woo-woo (or whatever you want to call it) work its magic to help you achieve the things you want.
So whether it’s buying a friend a hot dog lunch or connecting with someone to help advance their interests, always offer to help people achieve their goals without an immediate expectation of something in return; just know the universe is on it, and it will show up when you least expect it, like it did for me.
Who knows? It may even manifest itself as a nice hot dog lunch… Just sayin’!
CALL TO ACTION
· Never keep score, or work from a zero-sum mindset
· Always offer to be of service by asking, “How can I help?”
· If you always help others succeed, the universe will reciprocate
*This post originally appeared in David’s book, “Punch Failure in The Face, Then Buy It a Beer”
Author Bio: David Knapp-Fisher
As founder of The Inspired Humans Project, David loves sharing inspirational stories. His TEDx talk, “Discipline or Regret, a Father’s Decision” been viewed over 100,000 times, and his first book, “Punch Failure in The Face, Then Buy It a Beer” has 36 five star reviews on amazon.ca.
David lives in Victoria B.C. where he spends most of his time trying (& usually failing) to stump his son with movie trivia, or planning his next big adventure; both while drinking great coffee, of course.
Website: www.davidknappfisher.com
Great read. Glad to see you are rolling with it 💪