Have you ever noticed when someone greets us by name, our tummies get warm and fuzzy? That’s because hearing our name spoken out loud is like a nice, warm cup of cocoa for our soul.
In “How To Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie says the sweetest thing people can ever hear is their name. If this is true, why don’t more of us call people by their names?
Oh, wait: I know why. It’s because most of us believe we suck at remembering people’s names like it’s a gene we lack or other such nonsense. Hint: Remembering names is not a fluke; it’s a learned skill.
I’ll go a step further: Since it makes people feel good when we remember their names, it’s more than a skill. It’s a superpower. I learned this the hard way after forgetting a guy’s name at a networking event one time and tried to recover. It did not go well.
After the standard pleasantries, I said, “Hey, what’s the correct spelling of his name?” thinking I was being clever. He deadpanned back: “D-A-V-I-D… same as yours”. “No” I replied, “I meant your last name” but it was too late. He knew exactly what I was up to. Epic fail.
I’d read there was a Dale Carnegie course that helped students remember names, so I signed up and got to work. They weren’t kidding: With a little imagination and practice, anyone – even me – CAN remember just about anyone’s names.
It’s been over twenty years since I learned these strategies and people still comment on my “natural ability” to remember names, and wish they had it. They can, and so can you
With just a little effort and practice, anyone can create that warm and fuzzy “hot cocoa in winter” feeling for others by acknowledging them by using their names. If you’re ready to develop this important superpower, let’s get to it.
Strategy One: Repeat-Repeat-Repeat First Names
When meeting someone for the first time, within a few minutes we usually have a sense if we like them or not, right? If we do, try repeating their first name several times. This helps “links” their name to their face. Do it enough times and anytime we see their face, it triggers our brain to remember their name. Boom!
Strategy Two: Link Them To Famous People (Real or Fictional) Who Share Their Name
This is extra easy if a name is unique like Ariana (Grande) or Fraser (Crane) or even Frankenstein (?). But it works just as well with common names like or Jennifer (Lawrence or Aniston), Sam (Smith) or Frankenstein. But you knew that last one already.
Strategy Three: Remember Last Names Using Crazy Mind-Movies
I saved this one for last because it’s more involved; but if we put in the effort in it works brilliantly over the long term. The strategy is to turn someone’s last name into zany “mind-movie” that makes it impossible to forget, even over the long term. Here’s how:
One Carnegie student was named Rob Telford, and in class I was tasked with creating a mind-movie of his name. Challenge accepted! I began by breaking the last name into two parts: Tel / Ford. Then I began visualizing them.
For the first half (Tel) I saw an old-fashioned black rotary telephone – Done. Next I incorporated the second half (Ford) by turning the phone into a massive cartoon truck complete with huge wheels, a huge and a long antenna with a raccoon tail swinging from it. I’d transformed my Telephone into a – wait for it – Ford monster truck. I had a mind-picture; now what I needed was a mind-movie.
To add action I envisioned the truck speeding down a bumpy road, bouncing around with the driver hanging outside the window with his eyes bulging, and a long tongue flapping in the wind… Yee-Haw! After repeating my vision to the class and us all running it through our minds, it stuck.
From then on anytime any of the class saw Rob (He worked at Costco so it was often) this movie automatically played in our minds and we’d remember his name. Every. Single. Time.
Note that the more outrageous the mind-movie is, the better it imprints on our brains. Lame movies aren’t memorable, and neither are lame mind-movies so when using this strategy set your imagination on certifiably crazy, then go mad creating fun, manic movies. When done well, this cements people’s names in our brains for instant – and humorous– recollection.
It’s been twenty-five years since I met my friend Rob (fifteen since I’ve seen him) and I can still see the Telford mind-movie as clear as a bell. I’m not sure if that’s brilliant or sick; regardless, I never forgot his name.
Strategy Four: Use Mind-Movies For First Names Too
I had a client whose wife’s name was Karen, which while being a common name, was one I wanted to remember since I knew I’d run into her at industry parties. Other than using strategy two, how could I visualize it?
My client was a big guy, and Karen was tiny; so my mind-movie was of her trying to lug him up a hill on her back, straining and struggling and puffing away. She was “Karen” (carrying) him… get it? I sure did. Because at every industry event I saw her I greeted Karen by name making her feel special, recognized and remembered.
Strategy Five: Go Old School
If all else fails, there’s the old-school strategy for name recollection of writing down names in a notebook or in your phone for later reference. It’s old school, but it still works!
The one thing I recommend you don’t do is be a schmuck like I was by trying pretend you remember names that you’ve forgotten. Just say, “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name” then use these strategies to get the name down for next time. But make sure you do, and you know why?
Superheroes don’t forget people’s name twice.
CALL TO ACTION
- Practicing these strategies daily to develop your superpower
- Challenge yourself to learn two new names a week
- Once you find a method you like, master it!
*This post originally appeared in David’s book, “Punch Failure in The Face, Then Buy It a Beer”
Author Bio: David Knapp-Fisher
As founder of The Inspired Humans Project, David loves sharing inspirational stories. His TEDx talk, “Discipline or Regret, a Father’s Decision” been viewed over 100,000 times, and his first book, “Punch Failure in The Face, Then Buy It a Beer” has 36 five star reviews on amazon.ca.
David lives in Victoria B.C. where he spends most of his time trying (& usually failing) to stump his son with movie trivia, or planning his next big adventure; both while drinking great coffee, of course.
Website: www.davidknappfisher.com
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